holidays

this is my first time being alone during christmas time since i was little. no santa, no christmas cookies, no presents under the tree, no watching elf in bed, no last minute christmas shopping.

the streets of los angeles are nearly empty,

and i listen to the same playlist on repeat while waiting for red lights to turn green

it’s almost wrong to have no family in the only place you’ve ever called home.

i guess home is in me now

it’s in my body, my hands,

in my two cats who sleep on the foot of my bed.

it’s in my anti depressants in the cabinet

the target i frequent on sunset blvd.

in my shoes i leave by the door

home is eating cookie dough standing in front of the fridge on a lonely sunday afternoon