the weekly

a few journal entries and thoughts from this week...x

01 sometimes when i get scared to be alone i’ll go for a walk in nature and i’ll pick wild flowers and listen to my favorite songs and step on the edge of a puddle and pet the neighborhood cat and watch the moon follow me like a watchful mother and i realize i’m not alone at all.

02 I remember driving up by dodger stadium one sunday afternoon, i looked over to you and mentioned how much more fun it is to run errands with someone else. mundane tasks; target run, gas station, cvs for milk and biscoff cookies. now I’m at trader joe’s, alone. and i miss you.

03 Tonight I had an antibiotic, a probiotic, 1/2 an ativan, 5mg lexapro, a ginger shot, a spoonful of coconut yogurt, 2 sips of an iced latte, a piece of sourdough toast, cranberry juice, a bite of pasta, a 85% dark chocolate square, and an advil.

04 I’m in an era of duality. slow days, fast company. and vice versa.

(“yeah, of course I’ll come”, 5 pool games, 2 karaoke nights, too many double vodka cranberries, 4pm caffeine cravings, 2 panic attacks, 8pm night walks, “who can I get tattoo’d by literally today”, 4 missed FaceTime calls, a photo shoot, and 10 photo booth strips.)

March has been fun, I’m tired.

Slow days, slow company this week. Letting my coping mechanisms sit in the corner of my room for once; I now feel absolutely everything.