the weekly

journal entries n writings from the week

01

ways i’m trying to have an epiphany

meditating

sitting in an ice bath so i can’t feel my body and all the blood rushes to my brain

micro dose

being hugged for like 25 minutes no stopping

eating a life changing meal

being off my phone completely for 24 hours

having 5 martinis

being on the stairmaster for 30 min. straight no hands

getting a tattoo

02

ins and outs for summer

in:

one way tickets

ménage a trois

aperol spritz

flip flops

cinnamon gum

cold plunges

yearning

coffee dates

card games

necklace stacking

out:

truffle

dad sneakers

being (overly) delusional

dinner dates

assuming

dating apps

crop tops

03

I know I’m in an anxious phase when I go through a whole pack of gum in 2 days. Or when I call my mom a lot. Or when I start having absolutely insane dreams that wake me up in a slight sweat. There’s times when I find myself enjoying being in my head and in my thoughts and times when I do everything in my power to get out of it. I can go from friends to enemies with myself in a matter of seconds, it’s always been that way. I always start to realize after the period of wanting to crawl out of my own body, that there’s an art to letting go, an art to acceptance. Accepting my brain in its various stages and moods, accepting the chaos. Harder said than done…

04

the way out of hell lies at its very center , you often have to go straight into the fire to go out.

05

it’s interesting when you don’t want something but when it goes away it’s still sad

the game has ended, no players are left, except for me on the sidelines drinking a slightly warm Gatorade.

we can think something is bad for us but still engage. maybe it’s out of slight hopefulness that things could change or maybe it’s out of entertainment. either way, the more you get used to anything, the harder it feels when it’s gone. every time. play the game and the game starts to play you.